Sunday, October 10, 2010

Need a new name for "widow"

     Went to the Widow Support Group last week, I had a good experience.  I seriously expected it to me Mandy and I and a bunch of grandma's (which would have been fine) but that was not the case.  It is amazing to look in the eyes of a complete stranger and see such empathy and understanding-I hurt inside for someone besides myself, which is good I think.  I walked away feeling very fortunate in so many ways.  Yes, I am what they call a "widow", but my husband wanted to be here he just could not be.  His death was not violent or misunderstood, it was actually a very peaceful and beautiful thing.  Closing of one door and the opening of another.  He loved me and my children and I know he is watching me make every mistake I can from the other side :)...but I am trying, and I am learning from my mistakes and trying to do better each day.  I want to live my life in a way that I can be proud and have no regrets.
     I am thinking about working with Hospice, they are such amazing people, and I feel like I have a lot to offer to someone who is going through the same things we did.  I want to give back for all those who gave to us.
     NOTE:  Everyone talks of things that will be difficult i.e. Holidays, Anniversaries etc.  but I thought that really wouldn't be much of a problem for me because Glenn has not been able to be a part of our celebrations for so long.  The hard things have been times when I want him there beside me sharing our life, the good and the bad.  Well I was really wrong, I went to Tai Pan and they were playing Christmas music and I took me about 5 min. to realize that was why I was nauseated, I was physically sick and I hadn't even thought about Christmas- it is CRAZY the emotional cues your body takes, I am so not in control of any of that at this point.

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